Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Yes, I am a control freak...

I have issues. I know it. I admit it. Heck, sometimes I even embrace them.

I think part of my problem adjusting to Miss Sunshine's cleft was that total out of control feeling. We had no preparation for this - we were thrown into it unarmed, uninformed, and uneducated when she was born. I don't deal well with these kind of situations. I like to be prepared. I was not prepared. I sometimes think that if it was something we had known about before she was born, I would have been better able to deal with it when she was born. It just wasn't the case in our situation.

Once we found out about the cleft, I set about educating myself as best as I could. I researched. I joined support groups (online, since there are none in my city, which I still find shocking, and it is a goal of mine to eventually get one going). I did what I could with the resources I had. It helped me feel better in control. I scheduled every doctors appointment, took her to everything, wrote down questions, tried to write down answers and so on.

Now that Miss Sunshine is older, and our trips are growing (fingers crossed!) less and less frequent for follow up on her cleft, I am finding myself in a position where I have to let go of the reins a bit. See, here's the thing. I did the single parent thing with Monster Boy. Took him to all his doctor's appointments alone. Daddy Mac is an involved parent and now we take turns staying home with sick kiddos (when we were both working full time, that is) and so on. But I still handled the doctors appointments. Daddy Mac just isn't a fan. At my kids' ages, they usually involve shots, and well, Daddy Mac can't stand seeing his kids in pain. So that duty usually falls to me. But, he is pushing for a more active role in her cleft care. He has not gone on a trip to Chicago with us since her surgery - I have handled all post-op and clinic visits on my own. We received word last week that her next clinic visit will be in March. When I mentioned this to Daddy Mac, he informed me that HE would like to take her this time.

Yes, you read that right. He is going to take her to Chicago for her next team visit. Without me. I will be here at home with Monster Boy. I am not sure how I will handle this, but we will deal. I'm having a hard time imagining it right now and it isn't even here yet! But it is time. I have to stop trying to control things so much. And he is an involved Daddy, and he does want to do these things. I have to start letting him.

And hopefully I will manage to get some sleep between now and the time they get back!

1 comment:

  1. I also had that out of control feeling when at birth I found out my son had a unilateral cleft lip and soft palate. I didn't even know what a cleft was until my son was born. I educate myself as much as possible. I also have not yet found a support group and I live in Chicago! Glad Daddy Mac is getting more involved. My husband is great about being involved in doctors appointments, but he doesn't talk about it much at home so I don't even have him to talk to about things, unless it's medical decisions.