Tuesday, July 6, 2010

I'm tired.

I'm tired of being tired. Of being stressed. Of so many things.

It seems like, for every step we take forward, we take three steps back. We are trying SO hard to get back on our feet financially, and every time we feel like we make progress, something else pops up. I'm really getting tired of struggling. And I know Daddy Mac feels the strain as well. Probably even more so than I do, since he has that ingrained sense of responsibility to "take care of his family" and right now, I know he doesn't feel like he is doing that. I certainly feel he is doing everything he can to take care of us. We just aren't in the best position right now, through no fault of our own.

The last few days, it feels like I simply can't catch up on my sleep. I lack the motivation to do ANYTHING around the house. I'm not feeling well. Miss Sunshine has the snottiest nose she's ever had in her life, and even Monster Boy is sounding a bit froggy today. I think it's an attack of the allergies. None of us have a fever or are exhibiting any signs of illness other than these awful runny noses and a scratchy throat in my case. Oh, and that whole completely unmotivated thing I have going on. I did do some laundry today. That's something, right? Our house is a mess, and I just sit there and look at it and think "I hate that this is a mess." But the ability to actually get up and do something about it is beyond me right now. It's becoming pretty obvious to me that those little pink pills the doctor gave me to get me through my post-partum depression are not doing their job. But I'll have to suffer through another month until we have insurance before I can go back and get a new pill to try. One of these years everything will be back to normal. I have faith, just some days it's a little hidden behind everything else. Today is one of those days.

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