Literally and figuratively.
It is HOT HOT HOT here in the Heartland right now. Like, triple digits for going on three weeks, with no end in sight hot. Miserable hot. There is a song by Seven Mary Three called "The Oven". It's about the state I live in. And it is a perfect description of the weather here right now. It literally feels like you are standing in an oven when you go outside. Add to this horrendous heat a significant lack of precipitation, and you have every person in the state holding their breath and begging for rain - which is not in the forecast any time soon.
Here around our house, we are also "waiting for the rain". I don't know about Daddy Mac, but for a few weeks now, I feel like storm clouds have been building over us, waiting to unleash their fury. If you've read my blog before, you know I frequently refer to our trying times as storms. I have a feeling when this one hits, its going to be a doozy.
I don't even really know how to explain why I am feeling the way I am right now. Sure, things are tight, money wise. But no tighter than they were a year ago at this time - in fact, probably less so. I know that sometime things will start to level out, as they always do. We always make it through, one way or another. Health wise, we have all been doing well. I don't know why I have this feeling, I just do. It's like waiting for the other shoe to drop. Or some other tired old cliche. Or waiting for the storm to hit, as I like to say.
I'm trying to "let go and let God". (Wow, I am just FULL of those cliches today, aren't I?). I'm trying to have faith that things are not going to be as bad as I have imagined or built them up to be. Perhaps it is all the changes approaching us - nerves about my going back to school, about finding child care for Miss Sunshine, about how Monster Boy will do in First Grade as opposed to the more relaxed atmosphere of Kindergarten, about how the tsunami's in Japan have affected the car industry and what that might mean for Daddy Mac's job... so many things going on and running through my head right now, so that I can't seem to calm my thoughts down and just breathe. I have never dealt well with stress, and lately it feels like I am stressed to the max. And I'm just not sure what to do about it, because none of the factors contributing to my stress are tangible things that I can exert any control over. I'm trying to get to a place where I can calm myself, maybe head off the impending storm, or at least take adequate cover. But since I don't really know what it is that I am stressed out about, it's kind of hard to do that.
Daddy Mac is very much a "take it one thing at a time" kind of person. You know, those people who "don't stress over it because stressing over it doesn't change it"? I am SO not one of those kind of people. And I know he means well, but because he's not, he just really doesn't understand me right now. He tries, with all his heart, and I know it bothers him that he can't "fix" whatever I think is wrong for me, but he just can't because I don't even know what it is that is wrong, much less how to fix it. It's just one of those things I have to weather on my own. I know, once we get settled in to our new routine, that things will seem better. It's just the getting there that has me so worked up.