Sunday, April 17, 2011

Live life with no regrets...

I've been thinking a lot lately. Dwelling, really. Thinking about decisions I've made, choices we've had, and where they have led me and also my family in our lives.

I've heard people talk of regrets before. One thing I refuse to do is live my life with regret. I cannot change the decisions I have already made, wish away my past, or the impact those decisions might have on my future. And honestly, I don't want to.

Without those decisions, I would not be the person that I am today. And while I am always an imperfect work-in-progress, I kind of like who I am today. I wouldn't want to be anyone else. To wish away something would make me someone different, and I would never want that. It would change who I was married to, who my children are, who I am. And since I love all these things, I will not live life with regret.

We can only make the best decisions we know how with the information we have at the time. Before we were married, I owned my own home. When we became engaged, we made the decision to sell my house. It was smaller, had only one bathroom, no basement. It was a good starter home, and was a great place for me to begin my journey of motherhood with Monster Boy. But with plans to expand our family, it was no longer fitting to our needs. We could have made it work, although it would have been tight. But, we made the decision instead to sell our home and purchase a larger one. Nothing crazy, just something a little bigger, a little better suited to our future needs. We carefully considered our budget, and what we could afford reasonably without straining our finances, and we bought our "perfect" home. Little did we know that within 18 months, we would both be laid off, have an infant and a small child to care for, a infant who required multiple surgeries and extensive doctor care. How could we have known these things? Had we known what would happen, I have no doubt we would have remained in the smaller home, with the smaller house payment. But we did not. And I cannot regret that. The home we have now, it is OUR home. The home we chose together, not the one I chose on my own. The home we are raising our children in, the home that we love. It has been a struggle, during our journey the past two years, that I will not deny. But we cannot change the choice that we made, and we would not want to. It may be a small example, but it is one that so clearly defines the reason why I will not live with regret.

After all, it is such a wasted emotion. For even if you regret, you can do nothing to change it. I honestly feel you should focus instead on the way you want to live your life going forward, for that you do have the power to change. Regret dwells on the past, and the past is what it is. We can choose to dwell in it, or we can choose to take it for the lesson it is and move on with our life. I choose to move on. What do you choose to do?

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