I did mention our dishwasher died a few months back, didn't I? We finally were able to replace it two weeks ago. Hooray for new dishwashers! It's so exciting to pull dishes out of a recently ran dishwasher and find them CLEAN. Amazing how that works!
I have been feeling a little bit blah lately. I'm not sure if it's because I've been phasing myself off the little "happy" pills I've been on for the last year, or what. I honestly reached a point where I was having all the side-effects and none of the benefits of the medications, and I'd had enough. So I talked to my doctor. He has called me in a new prescription, but we mutually decided perhaps medication is not the answer. So I am weaning off the meds and we'll see how things go for a month or so. If all is not well, I will begin the new prescription. I'd like to be done. I'd like to think that my life will get back to "normal" (well, okay, there really is no such thing as normal, I know - so we'll go with MY normal!) and I won't have a need for these little pills anymore.
My past struggles with depression (I have been diagnosed twice with Post Partum Depression formally, we are pretty sure I have some seasonal depression mixed in there but so far it's been manageable without medications) have opened my eyes to some things. I don't understand why the word depression is so taboo in our society. Many people struggle with this without even realizing that is what the problem is. They find themselves discontent with a life that up to now has been perfectly suited to them. Or they are mad all the time. Or sad. Depression doesn't just mean sadness. It is an extreme of an emotion. One of my symptoms of depression (and how I know it's time to head back to the doctor again) is a hyper emotional reaction to mundane things. I have a tendency to lose my temper easily over silly little things. The worst part of this situation is that I KNOW I am overreacting to whatever is happening. I just can't control it. There is nothing so humbling as finding yourself snapping at a child who really didn't do anything to deserve being snapped at for. Which is what was happening last year and why I found myself back at the doctor asking for help. I truly feel for all the people out there dealing with undiagnosed depression - who probably don't even realize that is what the problem is, and that there IS a solution for it. If only there was a good way to reach them.
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