but, lately, I've been thinking that MAYBE I want another baby. Oh God. Did I really just say that out loud? SHHHH - Don't tell Daddy Mac - I'm pretty sure he's solidly on the other side of that fence, as I myself thought I was just a few short months ago. But I look at Monster Boy, all grown up and ready to start "real" school (as he calls it) just a few short months from now, and Little Miss Sunshine, who is walking and "talking" and no longer my little baby anymore, and I MISS THAT. Oh, how I miss that. I miss cuddling with a teeny-tiny infant who cannot worm their way out of your arms, who is contented to just sleep there while you hold them. I miss the little high pitched squeaks of a newborn, now that I have a fit-throwing toddler... I just miss BABY.
So I try to remind myself of all the CONS of having a baby. Namely, being pregnant again. I DESPISE pregnancy. I do not make a good pregnant person - I am miserable pretty much from the moment of conception to the moment of delivery. Then I remember that I have to go through major surgery and recovery, since I have to have c-sections for my babies. And then I remember the sleepless nights, the worry, the fact that while they come out as teeny tiny little babies, they don't STAY babies. They turn in to what I already have... And there is always the underlying fear of having to go through what we have been through with Miss Sunshine again... and the fact that there is really no way to know until the baby is born whether or not we will have to deal with those things...
Maybe I don't want to have another baby...
Sometimes an introspection. Sometimes a vent. Maybe entertaining. Maybe thought provoking. Always my life.
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