I feel like I have lost all sense of myself.
Do you know what I mean? Oh, not that I would even for one SECOND trade my children for anything...
But sometimes it seems like my identity as a person disappeared as soon as they came into being. And has slowly been eroding away continually ever since.
No more the carefree days pre-children, when I could go shopping at the mall without (what feels like) hours of preparation beforehand. Where, if I wanted to go to the lake for the weekend, or head out of town, or heck, just go out for a drink with my friends, I needed no advance notice, no time to prepare, no babysitter to find or household to pack up. Sometimes, not very often, but sometimes, I miss those days...
With our lives so filled with stress, over work, over money, over insurance, and even just life - those days are remembered nearly as carefree as our childhood, and missed from time to time.
Don't get me wrong - like I said, I wouldn't trade a second of my kids lives to go back and have those days again. But sometimes, just sometimes, I can't help but think how nice it would be to just have a day (or three!) off from being "Mom" and just get to be ME - whoever that is now. Of course, like I mentioned, I'm not really sure who "me" is anymore, except as "Mom"... and that, I guess, is the whole issue.
Sometimes an introspection. Sometimes a vent. Maybe entertaining. Maybe thought provoking. Always my life.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Friday, June 4, 2010
Life in General...
Random post time! Hooray for all of you :).
Let's see - the craft fair went well - I actually sold a decent amount considering it was my first show. I am now working on creating an online store as soon as I come up with a name. It will have all sorts of random baby items. Kind of excited to get things up and running.
We are surviving here - things are still tight as we adjust to Daddy Mac's new job and pay schedule - but in another month or so we should be all caught up, thank goodness.
Monster Boy has been pretty much living up to his nickname the last two weeks. School is out, and he is getting BORED which means fit throwing, not listening, arguing and talking back have become something of the norm in our house. Luckily in two weeks he will start having "classes" at the local botanical gardens where he will learn about nature and then do a related craft project. That will happen once a week, so that should help break up the monotony for him a bit. And in July, he will go to Vacation Bible School.
VBS actually works out really well for us, as it falls the week that Miss Sunshine has her six month post-operative check-up at Shriner's in Chicago. I was worried about what we would do with Monster Boy while I am gone with Miss Sunshine, since Daddy Mac is working LONG hours these days. But my grandmother is volunteering at the VBS, so I will drop him off the Tuesday I leave and she will take him home with her, where he will spend the night and go back to VBS with her on Wednesday while I am in Chicago, then go home with her Wednesday afternoon and Daddy Mac will pick him up after work that evening.
I am looking forward to hitting up our check-up with Shriner's. Miss Sunshine has made great strides with her speech lately - babbling "dadada" "tatata" and "bababa" sounds - as well as throwing out some "h" sounds every once in a great while. Still not a lot of words, but she's technically within range for her age, so we are refusing to worry about it at this point. She's gaining weight well, no signs of any issues with her repair. She did lose her right ear tube last week, but our pediatrician wants to try to wait it out until our post-op check and see how she does. Also, since we are without insurance, we are hoping to be able to delay replacing it until we do have insurance again, since it's basically completely outside of our means to pay for it otherwise. So far she seems to be doing well without it, so we are keeping our fingers crossed as much as possible. That is the ear they were most concerned about scarring in when they first placed the tubes, although she did pass her hearing tests afterwards, so we are just keeping an eye on things as much as possible. This next visit is a full team visit, so she will be seen by the ENT and Audiologist while we are there and we will be able to see how she is being affected by the lack of the tube. Our ENT here locally did tell us that research has shown that it can take up to 8 years for the palate to start fully functioning in the capacity of keeping fluid out of the ears after repair, so we just have no way of knowing what the effect of this tube falling out will be. It's different than in a child who is having tubes placed due to recurrent ear infections that does not have a cleft, so it's another "we just don't know" type of situation. Ah, well. We deal with those as they come!
With all that said, it is getting late, and I am tired. Tomorrow I am taking Monster Boy to the local craft store for a free project class where he will make Daddy Mac's Father's Day gift - and it's first come first serve, so I need to be up and ready go to bright and early, so I'm going to hit the hay for now!
Let's see - the craft fair went well - I actually sold a decent amount considering it was my first show. I am now working on creating an online store as soon as I come up with a name. It will have all sorts of random baby items. Kind of excited to get things up and running.
We are surviving here - things are still tight as we adjust to Daddy Mac's new job and pay schedule - but in another month or so we should be all caught up, thank goodness.
Monster Boy has been pretty much living up to his nickname the last two weeks. School is out, and he is getting BORED which means fit throwing, not listening, arguing and talking back have become something of the norm in our house. Luckily in two weeks he will start having "classes" at the local botanical gardens where he will learn about nature and then do a related craft project. That will happen once a week, so that should help break up the monotony for him a bit. And in July, he will go to Vacation Bible School.
VBS actually works out really well for us, as it falls the week that Miss Sunshine has her six month post-operative check-up at Shriner's in Chicago. I was worried about what we would do with Monster Boy while I am gone with Miss Sunshine, since Daddy Mac is working LONG hours these days. But my grandmother is volunteering at the VBS, so I will drop him off the Tuesday I leave and she will take him home with her, where he will spend the night and go back to VBS with her on Wednesday while I am in Chicago, then go home with her Wednesday afternoon and Daddy Mac will pick him up after work that evening.
I am looking forward to hitting up our check-up with Shriner's. Miss Sunshine has made great strides with her speech lately - babbling "dadada" "tatata" and "bababa" sounds - as well as throwing out some "h" sounds every once in a great while. Still not a lot of words, but she's technically within range for her age, so we are refusing to worry about it at this point. She's gaining weight well, no signs of any issues with her repair. She did lose her right ear tube last week, but our pediatrician wants to try to wait it out until our post-op check and see how she does. Also, since we are without insurance, we are hoping to be able to delay replacing it until we do have insurance again, since it's basically completely outside of our means to pay for it otherwise. So far she seems to be doing well without it, so we are keeping our fingers crossed as much as possible. That is the ear they were most concerned about scarring in when they first placed the tubes, although she did pass her hearing tests afterwards, so we are just keeping an eye on things as much as possible. This next visit is a full team visit, so she will be seen by the ENT and Audiologist while we are there and we will be able to see how she is being affected by the lack of the tube. Our ENT here locally did tell us that research has shown that it can take up to 8 years for the palate to start fully functioning in the capacity of keeping fluid out of the ears after repair, so we just have no way of knowing what the effect of this tube falling out will be. It's different than in a child who is having tubes placed due to recurrent ear infections that does not have a cleft, so it's another "we just don't know" type of situation. Ah, well. We deal with those as they come!
With all that said, it is getting late, and I am tired. Tomorrow I am taking Monster Boy to the local craft store for a free project class where he will make Daddy Mac's Father's Day gift - and it's first come first serve, so I need to be up and ready go to bright and early, so I'm going to hit the hay for now!
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Randomness....
Disclaimer: There is a very good chance this is going to be a VERY long entry that makes little to no sense! Just so you know.
Little Miss Sunshine had her 15 month appointment this week. She's up to 18 lbs 6 oz, and 29 inches long! Moved up the growth chart in both weight and height - still at the bottom end of the scale, but she's moving up, so that is GREAT news! We made the decision to delay her vaccines until her 18 month appointment due to our still on-going insurance issues - I discussed it with her doctor, and he said there was no issue in waiting until August, other than she will have to have 4 shots at once instead of 2 shots now and 2 shots then. So we decided to wait.
She goes back to Shriner's in July for her six month post-operative check. We get to fly out of our hometown this time, instead of having to drive three hours to another airport. Typically it's cheaper, but I asked if we could please fly out of here this time and they were able to do so. Now I just have to figure out what to do with Monster Boy while I am gone, since Daddy Mac is working 11 hour days at his new job.
Yes, you read that right - Daddy Mac is working at his new job. And he really loves it. I am so glad things worked out well this way. Now our finances can finally get back on track - Hooray
Well, had the craft fair today. Made $62 - not too shabby I think, for my first foray into crafting. I'll be working on getting my online store up and running next week - I'm taking a break from any and all sewing and other things for the rest of the weekend. But, I'll leave you with some pictures of some of the things I made (some have sold, some I didn't take individual pictures of, etc...)
Legwarmers!
And, last, but certainly not least....
DRESSES! These are my favorites! I really wanted to keep the green eyelet one for Little Miss Sunshine, but unfortunately all of those sold today!
Little Miss Sunshine had her 15 month appointment this week. She's up to 18 lbs 6 oz, and 29 inches long! Moved up the growth chart in both weight and height - still at the bottom end of the scale, but she's moving up, so that is GREAT news! We made the decision to delay her vaccines until her 18 month appointment due to our still on-going insurance issues - I discussed it with her doctor, and he said there was no issue in waiting until August, other than she will have to have 4 shots at once instead of 2 shots now and 2 shots then. So we decided to wait.
She goes back to Shriner's in July for her six month post-operative check. We get to fly out of our hometown this time, instead of having to drive three hours to another airport. Typically it's cheaper, but I asked if we could please fly out of here this time and they were able to do so. Now I just have to figure out what to do with Monster Boy while I am gone, since Daddy Mac is working 11 hour days at his new job.
Yes, you read that right - Daddy Mac is working at his new job. And he really loves it. I am so glad things worked out well this way. Now our finances can finally get back on track - Hooray
Well, had the craft fair today. Made $62 - not too shabby I think, for my first foray into crafting. I'll be working on getting my online store up and running next week - I'm taking a break from any and all sewing and other things for the rest of the weekend. But, I'll leave you with some pictures of some of the things I made (some have sold, some I didn't take individual pictures of, etc...)
Legwarmers!
Soakers - there are more of these I didn't get pictures of!
And, last, but certainly not least....
DRESSES! These are my favorites! I really wanted to keep the green eyelet one for Little Miss Sunshine, but unfortunately all of those sold today!
So, our dishwasher went out this weekend. The money from the stuff I sold was supposed to go to a laptop fund - but instead will be going to a dishwasher fund. Ah, well. Such is life.
Now for the philosophical portion of this post. This has been floating around my Facebook all week, and it gets me teary-eyed every time I read it. But I wanted to share it with you all, anyways. I have no idea where it originated, as I said, I found it on Facebook...
"God saw you getting tired, and a cure wasn't to be. So He put His arms around you, and whispered "Come to me." With tearful eyes, I watched you, and couldn't believe you passed away. Although I loved you dearly, I could not make you stay. A golden heart stopped beating, hard-working hands at rest. God broke my heart to prove to me He only takes the best."
Since this is Memorial Day weekend, I thought I'd share. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend, and take a little time to remember those loved ones you have lost, and the men and women who fight every day to give us the little freedoms to celebrate things like this day.
And with that, I'm going to go enjoy the rest of my weekend.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Well, Hello there Friday!
I'm trying something new for you guys today... I have not been using the internet much at all, and so I am attempting to post from my phone! To that end, I beg you to please forgive any typos you may find :).
So, I have yet another giveaway for you, and this one I am VERY excited to share with you - but you have to hurry to enter because it ends today! Head on over to alannainsuburbia.blogspot.com (sorry - one thing I can't do is hyperlink!) and enter to win one of the SUPER cute Name paintings she is giving away!
So, I have yet another giveaway for you, and this one I am VERY excited to share with you - but you have to hurry to enter because it ends today! Head on over to alannainsuburbia.blogspot.com (sorry - one thing I can't do is hyperlink!) and enter to win one of the SUPER cute Name paintings she is giving away!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
"I can see clearly now, the rain is gone!"
Well, not literally - in fact, literally, right now, it is pouring full on with lightning and thunder and all sorts of (not so) fun stuff going on outside our house. But, here inside, the monsoon looks to be coming to an end!
Daddy Mac FINALLY got a new job, and starts in two days! I did NOT get offered the job I interviewed for, and I am at peace with that. It just feels RIGHT somehow. We can finally see that light shining for us at the end of this long, dark tunnel. Now we can get caught back up on things that have fallen behind due to our strained finances and have a fresh start. Thank you, God, for answering our many, many prayers about this situation.
I am toiling away at my crafts for this show at the end of this month. I don't think my stepmother knows what she's getting herself into as far as what I have to sell! It is a MULTITUDE of things - super cute dresses, diapers, pants, legwarmers - you name it, I'm making it. I'm hoping things will take off well at this show and I will be able to continue to make things for sale - I'm working on a good store name to get an Etsy or Hyena Cart shop up and running - I think I'm almost there. Thank goodness I have a graphic designer for a stepmother, so I can get ALL the cool stuff ;). I'm pretty excited about all of this - I only hope that things turn out well.
Miss Sunshine finally sprouted a second tooth - and immediately followed that up with an ear infection, and immediately followed THAT up with a high fever. No lie - three days after finishing off her antibiotics for the ear infection - she spike a temp of 103 today. SIGH. We have a doctor's appointment at ten tomorrow morning. Did I mention that we still have no insurance, as I have had no response to my appeal yet? I have a sneaking suspicion we are talking Roseola AGAIN with her - a sudden high fever today, but give her some acetaminophen and she is her usual cheerful self - so she's not FEELING bad other than the fever. I'm willing to bet she wakes up with no fever and a rash in the morning - if so, I'm canceling that doctors appointment!
Well, I should probably get back to work on stuff - only a week and a half to the craft show! YIKES!
Daddy Mac FINALLY got a new job, and starts in two days! I did NOT get offered the job I interviewed for, and I am at peace with that. It just feels RIGHT somehow. We can finally see that light shining for us at the end of this long, dark tunnel. Now we can get caught back up on things that have fallen behind due to our strained finances and have a fresh start. Thank you, God, for answering our many, many prayers about this situation.
I am toiling away at my crafts for this show at the end of this month. I don't think my stepmother knows what she's getting herself into as far as what I have to sell! It is a MULTITUDE of things - super cute dresses, diapers, pants, legwarmers - you name it, I'm making it. I'm hoping things will take off well at this show and I will be able to continue to make things for sale - I'm working on a good store name to get an Etsy or Hyena Cart shop up and running - I think I'm almost there. Thank goodness I have a graphic designer for a stepmother, so I can get ALL the cool stuff ;). I'm pretty excited about all of this - I only hope that things turn out well.
Miss Sunshine finally sprouted a second tooth - and immediately followed that up with an ear infection, and immediately followed THAT up with a high fever. No lie - three days after finishing off her antibiotics for the ear infection - she spike a temp of 103 today. SIGH. We have a doctor's appointment at ten tomorrow morning. Did I mention that we still have no insurance, as I have had no response to my appeal yet? I have a sneaking suspicion we are talking Roseola AGAIN with her - a sudden high fever today, but give her some acetaminophen and she is her usual cheerful self - so she's not FEELING bad other than the fever. I'm willing to bet she wakes up with no fever and a rash in the morning - if so, I'm canceling that doctors appointment!
Well, I should probably get back to work on stuff - only a week and a half to the craft show! YIKES!
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Happy Mother's Day!
For my son, who first made me a mother five years ago... I am thankful for every SECOND he has been in my life, because he has made it so much better.
For my daughter, who has added an element to this journey of motherhood I didn't know I was missing until I had her... I am thankful for the blessings she has brought to our family.
To all of you Mom's out there - however you became a mother, whether you are holding your new baby in your arms for the very first of many more Mother's Days, whether you are a mom of a child in heaven whose arms are achingly empty, whether you are old or young, I wish ALL of you the most wonderful Mother's Day ever.
And a very big Thank You to my wonderful family, my husband, my son and my daughter, for LOVING me so very much today (and every day, really, but today most especially). You are my reason for being here.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Check it out!
So, it's that time again! I am slowly but surely turning into a "green" mama. And in honor of that, I bring you a "green" contest!
The Green Quiz Quest - go check it out! Lots of great sponsers and lots of great opportunities to win "green" prizes!
The Green Quiz Quest - go check it out! Lots of great sponsers and lots of great opportunities to win "green" prizes!
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